My mood has been ALL OVER the place this week.
Some days I feel so freakin’ hardcore, I’m hitting my workouts with 110% intensity, my diet is on point, and I’m feeling clean and energized ready to destroy the day and any obstacles in the way of my goals.
THEN…. there are days like today where I feel like absolute SHIT. I have zero motivation, NO energy, I’m exhausted beyond measure, I don’t want to freakin’ talk to you, and eye contact and smiles are miserable. All I want is a Cookies n’ Cream Quest bar dipped in peanut butter…. and a glass of wine. Red wine, that is all.
I’m so close though, so close that it’s uncomfortable. I’m nervous, I’m a self critical wreck, and I’m constantly standing in front of the mirror picking apart the same qualities I’ve been picking apart for MONTHS. Am I not working hard enough?! Why does my ass STILL have that god damn crease?! Why do my oblique’s insist on hiding behind water and ‘fat’?! I don’t get it. I’ve logged so many grueling hours in the gym. Have I been consuming too many calories? I was only giving myself enough to build muscle for a few weeks. *Le siiiiiiiigh* It’s a never ending argument inside my head, interrupted by thoughts of food porn, and sweet treats I can’t have.
It’s only week 1 of my extreme cut. 3 two-a-days, 1,200 calories a day with a STRICT macro ratio….. extremely draining. I commend people who can do it. I can’t think straight, socializing is an effort that I fail at, and all I want to do is curl up into a ball and go to bed. How people train EVERY day TWICE a day is beyond me. High five, you’re probably more miserable than I am!
But you know what? Screw it, tomorrow is a new day. Friday’s I take my progress shots, so we’ll see what the pictures have to say about my efforts.
42 more freakin’ days! I’ve made it this far, I’ve passed the half way mark. Rock Bottom nachos here I come!
Apologies for the dramatic post, but it’s the struggle we experience on nearly a daily basis when we commit to a competition like this. I knew that when I signed up for it….. this is ultimately MY choice and there’s no backing out now. I’ve got love and support from the friends and family, and that’s the most I could ask for. There will be good days and bad days, today just happened to be a bad one. It’s not over yet! I got a chicken wrap waiting at home for me with 2 tablespoons of hummus!
Simple things in life.