Mental Wellness

It’s been a minute.

But guess what? I had an epiphany recently.

I’m finally okay with my body, more than okay, I’m fucking proud of my body and where I’m at today. The minute I stopped counting my macros, tracking my food, worrying about how many calories I was burning during my workouts, and worrying about how many days I was working out and what body parts I was working out….. I could finally breathe, relax, and find happiness.

The minute I stopped slaving away at the gym for solely aesthetic purposes and for mental health instead, I could smile and felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest. You know what else?! MY BODY LOOKS BETTER BECAUSE OF IT! My metabolism is finally even keeled, I had my first REAL period this year, I eat whatever the hell I want, and I don’t beat myself up if I can’t make it to the gym.

Every time I weigh myself, the scale reflects a higher number, but I’m only becoming more and more satisfied with my body composition. I went to the doc last week and I weight 128lbs! That’s 10 more pounds than when I started comp prep, and 18 more pounds than stage weight. I feel stronger, I have more stamina, and I love how lean my body is for how much muscle I have put on.

All this being said….. my social media fucking exhausts the hell outta me.

The IG accounts I follow and Facebook pages I like are all buff people and food, buff people and food. I’m confused, I’m bored, and tired of it. Don’t get me wrong, I love the fit fam! People’s weight loss and fitness journey’s can be so inspirational! But for me, there is so much out there in the world and I’m done comparing myself to tan, buff, oiled physiques that I no longer have the desire to aspire to be like.

yum

Yummmm! Amazing! Would you believe I ate over half a dozen in 2 days?! Thanks to the beautiful Brittany Love!

I like eating cupcakes, I’m finally buying cookies in the café at my work, I love adding heavy whipping cream to my drip coffee, nachos are delicious as hell, I love pasta, I love gouda cheese, I love it all!

Don’t get the idea that I’m letting myself go by any means. I love working out and I still eat healthy, but I’ve found a balance that brings me happiness and enjoyment.

For a really long time I became selfish, thinking about my own needs, outward appearance, I slaved away for hours in the gym, and I starved myself for months. My body and mind wasn’t healthy and neither was my home life and relationship with my husband and friends. It has taken time to repair all that damage, but right now I have a good thing going and I plan on keeping it that way.

I love my life and the direction I’m heading. Only going up from here.

~Jess

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