Honest Girl Talk

I know my blog posts have been few and far between. Yes, yes I’ve been insanely busy with school, work, and personal life, you’ve heard it all before. However, I felt inspired and wanted to get down and real about this week, and how I let it get the best of me.

This might be TMI for some of my readers, but I want people to know.

Aunt Flo came to visit this week, and she was a real mean bitch. I do everything in my power to make sure she doesn’t get the best of me, but lately she’s been getting inside my head. I keep a calendar on my phone so I know when her next visit is, so I can mentally prepare, “Alright, next week she’s coming, don’t eat all the food in the house and don’t be a drama queen. Keep it cool, don’t take her too seriously.”

Holy shit.

Exactly 10 days before her visit, I was hit with a wave of anxiety and depression. Ugh, why am I feeling so shitty? I was perfectly fine yesterday, my life is great! Why do I feel like I’ve been crying all night? I haven’t been. Why does the sound of anyone approaching me cause me to panic at work? Why am I so stressed, and why am I about to cry at my desk in the customer space?! Sure enough, the calendar said “10 days until Aunt Flo is in town.” Like freakin’ clock work. WTF?!

“Okay, okay. Don’t panic. It’s not real. Nothing happening is real right now. That feeling you feel, it’s fake, don’t believe it. Don’t give in.”

Not only did I ignore my reasonable self and become an emotion train wreck, I also ate ALL the carbs, all the cookies, all the candy all the sweets. If I was sitting, I was eating. If I wasn’t eating, I was thinking about it. Oi vey. I became bulbous, holding onto so much water, and seriously convinced I would look like a whale forever.

Tuesday I went for a 5 mile run after work. I’ve been having really bad knee and IT band problems, so Tuesday was my first run since the end of January. I felt phenomenal during my run, it was so refreshing! I ran without headphones so I wouldn’t be distracted by music, so I could really listen to and focus on my body and strides. Everything was peachy until the last half mile. I started to feel my left leg and hip tighten. My sciatic was starting to hurt, but I pushed through until I got home. I thought everything was fine until the next day.

Wednesday I had the same sharp shooting pain and stiffness like I did after my last run in January, but instead of the right leg and knee, it was the left side. I was devastated. I already waited over a month and I was back at square one?! Once again, my world was reeling, and I didn’t workout for the remainder of the week until today. I was horrified at the idea of starting over, or even the possibility of never running again. Of course I was being overdramatic, but with Aunt Flo in town, all my emotions were amplified. Not to mention, I was eating anything and everything in sight. Increased calorie consumption, decreased expenditure. You can only imagine my horror thinking about it.

I’ve been rolling out on the trigger point foam roller, today I probably spent a half hour on it, pushing through the pain in hopes to run next week. I pulled myself out of my wallowing puddle of pity and worked out today. I made sure to take it slow. I want to run another half marathon this year, and a full next year, so I HAVE TO take care of myself.

This week had me so bad. I always try to be very conscious about Aunt Flo’s visitation, I know how I get around her. I make sure to take water tablets 10-7 days before so I don’t hold hold water, bloat, or feel tired. I eat especially well and deny any food cravings that are out of my normal diet. I still workout 4-5 times a week. Nothing really changes, but lately I’ve been a little off the leash emotionally.

Today was the first even keeled predictable day. I’m relieved. But to be honest, I’m dreading next month already. I will do everything in my power to not let it get the best of me, but if it can’t be done, and I still feel like crying at work for no reason, and want to pick fights with my loved ones, I will be looking into alternative methods like counseling or medicine.

I hate feeling like that. I’ve been feeling more anxious and moody the last few visits, does that mean I’ve become weaker?

I don’t know why I thought I should share my story. Maybe other gals out there feel the same way. I always thought PMS and PMDD was bullshit, it was just an excuse for women to be crazy hormonal bitches. I no longer believe that, and I hope next month is a better one.

~Jess

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