It’s been…. 2 1/2 months?!

Wow, my last blog post was in August?! That’s actually more recent than I was expecting! I have taken a very long hiatus from fitness, health, and everything else. This year my life has undergone an extreme makeover, with good, bad, ugly, and irony. 10 1/2 months ago in January I never would have imagined my life to take the drastic turn it did.

Cliff notes: I am freshly divorced, as of about a month ago. Well, technically all the papers need to be signed and sent off to the judge, but Derek and I filed, you get the idea. I won’t go into detail, but let’s just say we were both unhappy and with our lifestyles at the time, the issues we were experiencing would not have received the proper attention they needed. So, we decided to set each other free, focus on ourselves as individuals, and experience new separate lives.

Even though I was a train wreck over the entire situation 2 months ago, I can honestly say it was the best decision we could have made. I like to think that we loved each other enough to realize we weren’t happy together and it was time to start a new chapter and give each other the freedom and space to grow.

He’s a man with goals, drive, ambition, direction, and the desire for stability. I’m a girl who’s young, wild, free, experiencing life as it comes at me, and I could care less about financial assets, I want to be rich in life. Now that I have made it through the emotionally-broken-crying-every-day phase, I can move forward with getting my life together. 2 months to be heartbroken you say? So little time! I think we both knew it needed to happen one way or another….

During the heartbreak I refused to eat and would hardly workout due to the calorie deficit. When I ate, I would become sick, I couldn’t bring myself to do it! I was tired, depressed, nauseous every day, in mental and physical pain, light headed and dizzy, and aching all over. Less than a month ago I started snapping out of it: Derek moved out, I found an amazing room mate off Craigslist named Manny, and all my friends, family, and support systems built me back up. I don’t want to sound like a dick, because I will never regret my marriage, but I realized how much of life I was missing out on while being married, living to please another, never feeling adequate, and cracking under the pressures of fulfilling wife and mother duties. I am truly liberated, at peace, and dare I say…. happy?!

I’ve started eating regularly again, a little TOO regularly! I’m at a healthy size right now, however I have lost strength and muscle and have become much “softer”. Last week I signed up for an L.A Fitness membership, yesterday was my first day back in the gym! I do NOT miss prime time gym culture and etiquette. All I wanted was a squat rack and spin bike! The squat rack had a line, everyone is checking out what everyone else is doing, creepy darting looks, misplaced dumbbells, PEOPLE EVERYWHERE, fat trainers, and just…. WTF?!

I foresee myself using the gym mostly on weekends, maybe a FEW week days, running home after work on dry days, and working out from home once Manny’s work schedule changes to 1:00pm to 9:00pm. To be honest, I probably won’t change my eating habits, especially since it’s the holiday season! I guess the only change would be one breakfast instead of two! Less cookie butter maybe? I doubt that second part…. 😉

With my new single life I plan on travelling more. Maybe not faraway lands quite yet, but next month I’m going to visit my Dad in Bakersfield California for Thanksgiving and Las Vegas for Natalia’s 21st birthday! FUCK YAS. No plans for Christmas yet, but I wouldn’t mind just treating myself to a giant shopping spree, reading by the fire, and drinking too much wine. Life is good. Life is real good. I’m healing and embracing change 🙂 Expect more posts in the future!

~Jess

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