Why Compete?

I’ve been debating doing a competition for months now. To compete again or not? Am I ready mentally and physically? What are my resources and who would be my support system? Should I be going balls to the wall or should I play it safe and just do my workout thing and wait to compete until next year? Am I ready for a calorie deficit and bro foods? Do I even have the time between a full time job, online school, and being a dog mom?

Well I’m doing it and I’ll be stepping on stage in 9 weeks for Emerald Cup yet again. So why? Why compete? Everyone has a different reason. My reason this time is very much different than my reason 2 years ago. 2 years ago I was hungry for gold, I wanted that plastic trophy, I wanted the tiara placed on my head, competing was my waking thought, continuous thought throughout the day, until I laid my head down at night where I would continue to dream about the stage.

2 years ago my prep was awful and my motivation quite vain and juvenile. I started dieting on 1,200 calories in January, 4 months before the show. I didn’t own a food scale so I under estimated all my chicken and turkey, so if I’m being honest, I was likely consuming between 800 – 1,000 calories a day. I lost my period for nearly a year, I had rashes and bruises that wouldn’t heal, and life on the home front wasn’t as peachy as I made it look. Competing was tough on my husband at the time. When the show was over, he said he would leave me if I ever competed again.

Well, 2 years later and he has left me. Not by my choice to compete, but by actions of his own. So I’m free. Free to do as I please. Free to surround myself with who I want. Free to follow my passions again, and free to not give a fuck about what everyone else is saying, doing, or thinking. Now is the perfect time to set my goals and hit them hard.

So what’s motivating me this year?

I am in the pursuit of physical and mental strength. I’m focusing on me 100%, something I never felt like I was able to do, and if I did, I was considered selfish. I’m done telling myself “You’re not beautiful, you’re not intelligent, you have no direction, you have no goals, you’re doing absolutely nothing with your life.” I’m done allowing my broken marriage to continue breaking my spirit. I’m proving to myself, and only me, that I have drive, passion, focus, and it’s okay to think about me and it’s okay to tell myself I’m beautiful.

I have such an awesome support system, I’ve met so many cool people already this second time around. My coach is a bad ass, let’s me blow up his phone with 5 million questions, he’s feeding me lots of food and I feel great. I’m getting my meals and nutrition from Physique Kitchen, delicious steak, rosemary potatoes and the works! 4oz this year looks different than “4oz” 2 years ago. I haven’t been hungry and the muscles are poppin’!

One of the reasons this sport is so appealing to me is you have control, you become so in tune with your own body, you are your own science experiment, you are the potter and the clay, every day you are learning. This year I am less concerned with a gold trophy, even though I will work hard like I’m winning first place. No, this year I’m hungry for a good experience, knowledge, and mental gain.

~Jess

 

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FitBliss Fitness – Check In #4

Yes! I’m stickin’ with the FitBliss Fitness program, I just haven’t posted a check-in on my blog in a while, forgive me!

I’m feeling pretty fuckin’ amazing truth be told. I’m getting stronger and stronger every week, have added more gym workouts, weights are increasing, and reps are increasing. To reward myself, I joined David Barton Gym in Downtown Bellevue! My dream gym, I am finally a member! I took advantage of the $0 enrollment $89 a month special. On the weekends I’m damn near the only one there so it’s my playground, and even during Prime Time on weekdays, it’s way less crowded than L.A. Fitness. I never have to wait for a piece of equipment or spot. Best decision ever! No regrets.

Lynndsey also bestowed upon me a calorie increase a few weeks ago, so my body is extremely grateful! Now I can go harder and fuel more. Which means more what? Pizzaaaaaaa duh!

My weight has stayed at pretty average 125 lbs. I don’t really pay attention to the scale since I’m shooting for strength, muscle, and transforming my body composition. My measurements have stayed consistent overall, but my waist is shrinking! I want to measure my BF% this week to get a better idea of where my body is sitting. As far as strength and composition, I’m very satisfied.

Small of Waist: 25.5 in
Waist: 27 in
Hips: 38.5 in
Right Leg: 22.5 in
Left Leg: 22 in
Right Arm: 10.5 in
Left Arm: 10.5 in

The past few weeks I’ve been debating whether or not I should compete this year. I’m not sure if I want to do Emerald Cup in 11 weeks or wait for a show in Fall. Emerald Cup seems so soon, but I am sentimentally attached to the idea of competing in what was my first and only show. I’ve also been entertaining the idea of competing WBFF. I love the body composition of WBFF competitors and their stage presence. More to come!

progress

Left: January 17th, 2016                        Right: January 24th, 2016

 

~Jess

FitBliss Fitness – Check In #3

Hello and good morning all! I hope everyone had an amazing holiday season and enjoyed ALL the treats! I know I definitely did which is why there isn’t much progress for me this week as far as measurements and weight are concerned. However, I DO feel stronger and notice a difference with how I feel as well as my overall body composition. I also didn’t “gain” any weight so that’s a plus!

Here are my measurements as of Monday, December 28th:

Small of Waist: 26 in
Waist: 28 in
Hips: 38.5 in
Right Leg: 22 in
Left Leg: 22 in
Right Arm: 10.5 in
Left Arm: 10.5 in

According to my Woman Log, Aunt Flo will be in town beginning this weekend, which explains my cravings for all things fatty and delicious. I need to brainstorm a way to combat these cravings. I won’t lie, I haven’t been measuring my almond butter as accurately as I should!

To help ensure I’m staying within my calorie and macro allotment, I will
make the following adjustments:

  1. Since there is no way to measure my lightsfood at the Cafe where I work, I will be bringing my OWN meals for lunch.
  2. I will begin measuring EVERYTHING! No more guesstimation! I’m not doing the plan any justice by “guessing.”
  3. Plan my meals and measure my macros at least the day BEFORE! This allows me to play with MFP, add my treats when I know Aunt Flo is visiting, and set myself up for success to stay within my calorie and macro allotment.
  4. Schedule my workouts the week before and write them on my calendar! I will be starting school next week, so this will be imperative!
  5. Effectively plan my meals when I know I have social events to attend, always be prepared.

Just for shits and giggles, I’m posting this Snap Chat photo from Sunday’s shopping adventure. Plato’s Closet dressing room lighting on FLEEK!

Here’s to a week of crushing goals! Everyone have a safe and fun NYE tomorrow 🙂

~Jess

 

FitBliss Fitness – Check In #2

Checking in! First week of my program with FitBliss Fitness was IMG_3612
AWESOME! Not once did I feel hungry, I ate anything I wanted by exercising balance, I fit in most of my workouts and if I couldn’t make it to the gym, I made it up at home. I enjoyed pizza, burritos, chocolate and wine. What more could a gal ask for?!

In fact, I lost 6lbs since my first weigh in when I completed my application with FitBliss Fitness! Yesterday I sat at a nice 122lbs, the lowest I’ve seen my body weight since competing in 2014. My body is used to sitting at 125lbs average. With marathon training in 2013, my body sat at 119lbs. My ultimate goal is a healthy 115lbs, but I understand muscle weighs more than fat, and I would much rather take the muscle even if it comes with extra lbs!

IMG_3605
My abs are beginning to make an appearance again, my booty is a tad perkier, I feel STRONGER, and my hammies come out to play on occasion. Everything is looking a bit more defined, so I’m excited for week #2!

There’s always room to improve. Last week I was unable to make my gym workouts since my new dog son named Ruky flew in from Korea last Wednesday! I wanted to monitor him closely to see if he was house trained which he is! All he needs is obedience training. That being said, this week I will definitely hit my gym workouts. I also need to work on hitting my macros more accurately! Practice makes perfect.

Here are my measurements as of Monday, December 14th:

Small of Waist: 26 in
Waist: 28 in
Hips: 38.5 in
Right Leg: 22 in
Left Leg: 22 in
Right Arm: 10.5 in
Left Arm: 10.5 in

I will update my measurements next Monday, December 28th. 

I hope everyone has an awesome Holiday Season!

~Jess

FitBliss Fitness Check-In

So far the first week on my program with FitBliss Fitness has been great! I notice a huge difference in my body and overall well being. Last week I made a jump start by watching my eating habits and fitting in at least 3 workouts, so my body was prepared for the program. Lynndsey has been extremely accommodating of my busy schedule and has written me 3 workouts that can be completed at home and 2 workouts to complete at the gym on weekends when I can go in the morning. If I’m already hooked and thrilled on week one, I can only imagine how satisfied I will feel near the end of the program and for the rest of my life.

I have always been extremely prideful of my ‘athletic ability’ in the sense that I stay motivated, write my own workouts, count my own macros, and see results…. health has been a passion of mine since I met my ex husband and he opened the door to the wizarding fitness world for me.

But he’s my ex husband, freshly ex husband, and as I’ve stated many times before, after the divorce I became extremely unmotivated. I dove into a deep depression that crippled me, I fell out of the routine that kept me sane and brought me happiness, I mistreated my body with drugs, alcohol, and little nutrition, and I stopped loving myself. But I’m ready to move on with my life, pick up the things that made me happy, and learn something new about myself along the way. I had to swallow my pride when I made the choice to work with a coach, but I need the guidance and accountability, and I couldn’t be happier with my decision.

The best part is this program fits my life style. I don’t have to sacrifice anything, maybe a little time to train, but that’s balance. I can still eat the foods I love, go out on the town with friends, have the occasional drink or two, take Ruky for a run as my cardio day, workout from home and still get a few gym sessions in on early weekend mornings when no one is at the gym.

I’m already down 5lbs from when I filled out my FitBliss IMG_3429Fitness application! I’m discovering what works for me, where I’m strong, where I’m weak, what foods I can fit into my macros, what makes me feel good, and what doesn’t make me feel good. Last night I hoarded my macros so I could kill a whole Amy’s Pizza for dinner! I didn’t even have to starve all day! THAT is true happiness and a sense of accomplishment. Finally finding a healthy routine, balance, and physical and mental well being. I’m happy. I’m actually happy and I haven’t been able to say that with 100% honesty in a long time. I’m letting go of the things in my life that have been toxic for my soul, mind, and body.

Here’s to creating healthy habits for a life time!

~Jess

 

 

Day 1 – FitBliss Fitness Training!

Today marks the first day of my FitBliss Fitness Training program with Lynndsey Eldridge and her wonderful team! I’m very excited, I’ve been needing an ass whooping for several months now. I’m ready to grow, become stronger, create a healthy lifestyle again and be held accountable to achieve my goals. I will be documenting my journey on this blog as another form of accountability. I’ll try to check in at least once a week with updates on measurements, weigh ins, and progress pictures.

fitblissWho knows, maybe I’ll decide to compete next year?! Big goals underway….

~Jess

Self Realization

You know what I discovered about myself? I’m one lazy mother******.

This Summer I’ve been struggling with my fitness goals. I haven’t been counting my macros, I’ve been drinking like a fish, and I’ve been meeting the bare minimum of my workouts. I haven’t even created a bucket list, gone camping, or read a book. When I get home, I park my a$$ on the couch, cuddle with my dog, and veg out on the TV. I’m lazy. I hate cooking, it’s pretty much the worst. I’ll let my clean laundry sit in the basket until it’s full and I’m forced to fold it. I keep the house clean generally, but I think it’s so I don’t feel like a complete lazy P.O.S.

lazy

I think I stayed on a better regimented track during school due to the common fear of “the Freshman 15lbs”. Working out was also most likely a form of procrastination from homework. This Summer I’ve been working out as a form of transportation commuting home, or when it’s convenient. I haven’t been hitting my “calories-burned-per-workout” goal either. I hardly eat salad for lunch anymore, I’m all about sushi, tacos, and Indian food. Is it possible that I’m STILL burned out from Emerald Cup last year in April?!

cupcake

I used to love fitness, and I used to be so conscious of what I ate. Now I’m like, “Ehhhh, whatever.” Part of me is happy that I’m not obsessive anymore, I’m not so “into myself” that I have to announce to the world, “I went to the gym today” on my Facebook status. Sure, I still take photos of my abs and share them on IG, just because I’m so surprised I still have them and to motivate myself to keep them. I’m happy with my body and I’m happy with my life, I can’t help but think that because I’ve chilled out on the fitness and health stuff, maybe I’m really just lazy and it’s carrying over into other areas of my life.

workout

Fitness and health has been a form of control for me, an organizational structure, a way I lived my life, being disciplined, being able to say no to that cookie, being able to pick my a$$ up after an exhausting day and torch some calories anyways, and partially a way to define myself and set myself apart.

I think in a way, social media desensitized me from all that, Instagram especially. A few years ago I started following all these fitness pages, becoming so inspired to compete in a bikini competition. After my competition I started looking at those pages feeling envious that I was no longer that lean, that muscular, and that cut, and that’s when I realized how unrealistic maintaining that level of leanness really was. I immediately began to regret putting my body through that hell with nothing to show for it afterwards except a damaged body, hurt self esteem, and broken relationships.

jen-selter-instagram-butt-star

Now I scroll through my Instagram feed feeling and saying, “Mehhhh.” I’m desensitized to the fitness hype. Everyone’s a fitness buff, there’s nothing unique about it. Everyone’s the same, they want to “inspire” when really it’s a popularity contest, it’s self advertising, and it’s self gratification, it has nothing to do with the well being of others or the desire to inspire. There’s only a handful of people I follow who actually might give a damn about helping others get motivated.

Despite feeling jaded by the fitness world, that doesn’t mean I should say, “F*** it, I don’t give a s*** anymore” and let myself go. I care about my health and the only person I need to be healthy for is ME. I don’t need anyone else’s approval or affirmations. I want to live a long healthy life with the least amount of physical restrictions as I age, I want to be strong and able bodied, and most of all I want to achieve a healthy balanced state of mind.

alice

~Jess